Hi Romana and thank you for the welcome. First let me state that I am not the type to cry over spilled milk. I would have to say my strongest traits are my inner strength and determination. First let me clarify that I am speaking of major issues not everyday problems. I hate to air dirty laundry but I feel it may be necessary to show exactly what I'm talking about so here's an example of my life experiences: besieged with grand mal seizures seemingly out of nowhere, rape, house fire in which everything was lost, 2 miscarriages, death of 3 family members within 9 months, the death of my husband 1 year later, major financial disasters, and I could go on but I'll stop there. Even the small things seem to go haywire. For example, the washer, dryer, coffee maker and refrigerator all stopped working within the same week. I know they don't make appliances like they used to but the same week? None of them were even older than a year. Yes, I know everyone has tragedies in their lives. I know I'm not the only one and I'm not looking for pity. But, I highly doubt all of these circumstances are the result of my thinking negatively which is why I wondered if there could actually be a curse at work and asked for guidance.

ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS "HOLY MOTHER"!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY... WELL, LET ME APOLOGIZE! IF I SOUNDED KIND OF HARSH, I'M SORRY. WE GET A LOT OF WEIRED QUESTIONS HERE AND SOMETIMES I REALLY HAVE TO ASK MYSELF IF THOSE FOLKS ARE FOR REAL.

BACK TO YOUR SITUATION...I HAVE TO PONDER ON THAT ONE FOR A BIT. MAYBE THE OTHER MEMBERS HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT THAT COULD BE AND HOW TO CHANGE IT.

Romana,

Thank you for your reply. I also want to apologize if I sounded rude. I just wanted to clarify that I am talking about more than the normal ups and downs or good times and bad times. I do hope that someone can shed some light on what the problem might be and how to overcome it. I don't know if it would be of any help to mention but my mother was told that she could not have children since she tried for years. Then at the age of 36, she gave birth to me. A year after I was born, my father left her. My mother's life went steadily downhill from there with a barrage of financial difficulties, more like downright poverty, heart problems, diabetes, mini strokes, etc. When I asked questions about my dad, she would refuse to talk about him. It seems as if a dark cloud followed me from the time I was born. I always wondered if I was responsible in some way for my father leaving my mother. I know that's silly though since I was just a child. Anyway, I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this situation.

People.... We are SO hard to get a handle on.
I don't think your dad left your mom because of you, but....

The thing that concerns me the most are the seizures. Have the doctors checked you out thoroughly? CAT scans MRI's EEG'S angiograms blood work and the like? Do they have any sort of guess as to what's going on? Have you EVER hit your head? Gran mal seizures can be life threatening unless gotten under controll. Then of course the medications that controll seizures can cause miscarriages, so that could be related.

The deaths... Well they do tend to happen in clusters. I'm not sure why.

As for the rest of it.... I'm uncertain.
Sometimes our thought patterns will manifest with these kinds of results, and we may not even be aware that we are thinking that way. I do know that there is a difference between being mentaly and emotionaly strong and having a positive outlook. Or even just recognising that there are somethings that are beyond our controll and not letting it ruin everything. I'll try to set up another BLOG thread with some of the stuff that helped me.

Yes, the neurologists have done test after test and can't find any physical reason for the seizures. They don't have a clue and neither do I. I've even considered the possibility that I could be manifesting these things somehow subsconsciously. Of course, I certainly wouldn't want to do so purposely. It doesn't seem to work that well when I am trying to purposely manifest things. If that is the case, I'd really like to know more about it. Does anyone know of any websites or books where I could get more information? Thanks.

(Gods I hate this)

Try looking up pseudo-seizure disorder. I hate it because this diagnosis can be very painful, and inaccurate. it could be that there is something going on that they won't be able to find untill there is a little more damage to your brain, but...

In the mean time, make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, make sure that you are getting good nutrition and adequate hydration. Try to learn new stress coping techniques (healthy ones), and just be patient with yourself.